Absolutely Nothing- A Short Story

December 1774, New England, America. I hold my lantern in the air and shout out his name over and over again. The snow this year had been completely ridiculous, and the wind sunk its sharp teeth through my clothes and into my chest.

The English had taken advantage of this beautiful land to the point where we were left with nothing. I wouldn’t have be surprised if they were to take the clothes off our backs. In the air, a whisper of revolution found its way through our small town. I couldn’t listen to that sort of talk. Christian thought revolution was exactly what we needed. I disagreed, especially with his temper.

Christian was a good husband. Hard working, fiercely loyal, incredibly brave, but he had his faults too. A terrible temper to accompany his unmatched strength. Thankfully, he had never laid a finger on me. That being said, he also hadn’t held back when expressing his dislike to people in our town. Such people included the neighbors, the store clerk, the bartender, and multiple royal guards.

In fact, his rage was the main reason I was out in the cold searching for him, my lantern and a bright full moon guiding me. If he had gotten a hold of his temper a little earlier, then he wouldn’t have stormed out a year ago. He wouldn’t have gotten drunk in the woods. He wouldn’t be –

In the distance, I hear the sound of wolves howling and a part of me wants to turn back for home. With so much snow, the wolves had been in more control of this town than the King himself. Those dastardly creatures had attacked livestock, larger animals, people…

Another howl. I took a deep breath and began marching in that direction.

I grew up in this town; Christian moved here from Scotland five years back. After my father died, I would have accepted any marriage proposal to keep me off the streets. Christian’s just so happened to be the first to reach me.

No, I didn’t marry Christian for love. I married him for security. His family was wealthy, and it seemed like I could have a comfortable life as his wife. My father use to say tragedy unfairly targets the poor. I used to think that was such a cynical way of thinking, but then I became poor and saw with clear eyes how true that statement was.

I’m ashamed to admit that now, of course. Christian’s good heart loved me from the beginning, and I only used him. He had taken care of me and protected me. We had tried for many years to have children and have always been met with disappointment. Still, he never blamed me. I suppose after all the years we had shared together, searching for him in the cold night was the least I could do.

This wasn’t the first time I’ve had to do this too. Once a month at least for the past year, I would go in search of my husband. Rain, snow or clear night, I had to reach him before someone saw… or before he saw someone.

Maybe five minutes pass before I see a corpse. It is merely a buck. His large horns had been thrown from his head, a large gash opened his middle, bite marks pierced his beautiful pelt, and his blood poured over the white, crystal ground. It took everything within me to keep my stomach from turning.

Out of the corner of my eye, I see a flash of blond hair. Quickly, I turned my head to look upon my husband standing several yards away.

Now, it was my husband, but no one but myself could tell.

I’m stunned with fear. Growing up, my father had told me stories of a moon beast. I had thought they were just that. Stories. Only a few months prior, that was my thinking. Now, I know better.

Since the incident in the woods over a year before, Christian had begun acting very strangely. He said that he had seen a beast in the woods. He had said that this beast could rip a cow in half. He had said that this beast was uncontrollable and deadly.

Never in a million years would I have believed that this beast was him.

Now as I face an eight foot tall, hunched over wolf creature head on, and the words fall from my lips,

“Werewolf…”

“Angel, I know it doesn’t sound right, but I’m not having an affair,” Christian said breathily as he tried so desperately to explain where he had been all night. His hair stuck up in every direction, his clothes were haphazardly thrown on and his blue eyes looked desperate and lost. “I would never!”

Perhaps I should have been more compassionate towards him, but the last few months, I had been increasingly going to bed alone while Christian came home later and later. He seemed oddly distant. I had even found a pair of his new trousers torn in half right down the middle buried in the backyard.

“What then?” I ask him, shoving his hand away from touching a strand of my yellow hair. “Where were you last night? What aren’t you telling me?”

His shoulders tensed. His eyes nervously looked away, “If I told you,” he began in a voice softer than a whisper, “you wouldn’t believe me.”

“Tell me.”

The creature finally turned its large head to face me. His fierce yellow eyes examined me before it gave another howl. I knew what would come next. This wasn’t the first time I had done this, but it never seemed to get easier.

Suddenly, the creature bolted on all fours, bounding towards me with teeth bared and claws out. I knew he could tear into me without a second thought. In the morning, he would be mournful, but for tonight, I am nothing but prey.

Still, I stood my ground. “Christian!” I called to him in the bravest voice my small frame could muster. “Come home!”

Almost instantaneously, he skidded along the soft, snowy ground to a stop. I could see his tangled blond hair shining red from the blood of his last victim. His large eyes gazed upon me with curiosity and familiarity. My heart beat so quickly, my hands shook in the cold, and I called out to him again.

“Christian, come home.”

In between the shadows of the thick, bare tree branches, I watch as this creature hesitantly moved towards me. The matted mane melted away, the yellow eyes became a soft blue, and just like that, Christian was in my arms. His body shook from adrenaline and the cold, biting air.

He was weak, he would be until the sun came up, but I helped him into some warm clothes.

“Thank you, my love,” he mumbled as he placed his right arm around my shoulders so that I could support him. “You could have been killed though.”

“You would never kill me,” I say with confidence, even though I don’t know that for sure. “You love me too much.”

Once back home, I place my husband under a think goose feather blanket and brushed his freshly washed hair from off his forehead. The fire which burned brightly, filled the room with a comfortable warmth. Christian was hesitant to sleep, but tomorrow, people would be asking questions. I needed him to be in top notch condition. Slowly, his eyes drooped closed, and I carefully placed a gentle kiss against his forehead.

Werewolf or not, nothing will keep me from protecting this man. Absolutely nothing.

___________________

I hope you enjoyed! The idea for this story came from this 😀 (you’ll have to scroll down a little to see what I’m talking about)

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Writing – Falling in Love

Take a deep breath and leap

1.. 2… 3…

You hear those romantic stories of love and bravery, and you realized that you’ve never actually experienced those stories first hand.

You meet someone who checks all of the boxes. You wonder if that person likes you. Sideways glances and half smiles aren’t enough. There has to be something more.

4… 5… 6…

When it first happens, it seems so surreal. Air blows past as your body free falls for what seems like forever. It is so effortless and exhilarating. Your heart beat pounds in your chest and your fingers tingle at the sight them.

Together, you take on the world. This is your universe and everyone else is just living in it. The sun shines brighter, the air smells better, and your world becomes a little bigger. It’s funny to you how all of those stories were true. They were just stories before and now they’re your reality.

7… 8… 9…

As time goes on, you get into a routine. It’s the little things that get your heart racing now. How they hold your hand, how they smile and laugh, how they treat others… it’s all so perfect. Still, you’re falling and something in the back of your mind worries you.

You see the ground coming up fast. This is the moment that you begin to second guess everything. Are you going to continue to fall or will you sprout wings and fly?

10…

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That Feeling – Writing Dump

There is a feeling in the pit of my stomach that makes me want to give up. This feeling, it asks me to give up. It wraps its bony hand around my throat and stops me from breathing any cries for help.

I tell myself that I’m a strong person. People don’t want to hear about my problems, and I don’t want to share them. Head held high, I truck on. For a while, I feel composed and under control. That is only because this feeling is slow. So slow. Like a constrictor devouring it’s prey, this feeling enters my chest. No one can diminish it because I’m not even sure what it is.

Then, out of the corner of my eye, I see hope chained to the wall just out of reach. It’s calling to me! Begging me to move forward, to accept help, to wander into unknown places and believe the best is yet to come. I want to have hope. Extending my hand, I reach out to this almost unattainable expression. Fingers graze against fingers before I am yanked back to my new reality.

Right when I think I can let my inhibitions go, that feeling creeps back in. Suddenly, I’m back to holding back. Don’t look at me. I’m fine.

It’s like biking uphill and waiting for the downhill to begin. It’s filling a to do-list and never getting it done. It’s when people know my name, but I wonder if they know more than that. It isn’t hopelessness necessarily. It isn’t depression. That being said, it is always there and it is hard.

Do you know the feeling?

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My Passion

You know that feeling when your car is still accelerating and you decide to leave?

That’s how I feel with my piano.

I haven’t had the chance to practice at all this week. That’s in part of my poor time management… Thankfully, I have been able to practice the ukulele.

Thanks to my roommates who are ukulele experts and to a site called UkuTabs.com, I have been able to pick up the instrument with ease

The tip of my left index finger has never been more raw. Honestly, learning this cute instrument is almost addictive. I want to play all the time! I can not express to you all how phenomenal this is. Slowly but surely, I am finding my passion with music. (Ugh, I didn’t want to be one of those people, but here I am. I love singing too much.)

 

Here is my uku. Her name is Matilda, and I love her so much.

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Some of the challenges I’ve been facing is getting up the courage to upload videos of my singing. I decided that our society’s short attention span is my greatest friend. This way, I don’t have to upload long videos of entire songs but just a couple second clips. This way, I only nitpick thirty seconds of a song instead of an entire one!

Do what you love and love what you do. If you love nerdy stuff, then just embrace it. If you love make up, then learn more about make up. If you love food, then make as much food as is physically possible! Never let other people dictate what you love.

Now, without further ado, here is what I’ve been working on. Here is my passion.

This next week, I will make a more concerted effort of getting to a piano and practicing. My goal is to play more music and sing more tunes. I’ll keep you posted.

Side note: I also want start posting some of my positive experiences for all of you to see. Not just with music, but with life in general. I think the internet is too cynical and depressing. There needs to be more light!

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Right Under My Nose

I’m so dumb.

Here I am trying to pinpoint my passions, trying out new and exciting activities each week, and ultimately not doing much about it. This week was supposed to be yoga, but every time I opened up a new post, I just couldn’t make myself write anything. Then, it hit me! I haven’t tried to write about the thing I already love to do.

Don’t get me wrong. The things we’ve talked about are things I’m interested in, however, they definitely aren’t things I’m passionate about at this point. And, to be fair, I’m probably not going to become passionate about those things unless I drop out of school and devote 100% of my time to them… and that’s just not going to happen.

What Do I Already Love?

Growing up, I have always been drawn to this one specific skill. It isn’t very business related. I doubt it could get me a job. In the grand scheme of things, I don’t know how this skill could get me anywhere really. But, here we go…

I love to sing.

It’s almost embarrassing to say because I have an incredible fear of singing in front of people. Honestly, if you were to ask me “Oh, you’re good at singing? Prove it.” I would freeze up and stutter incessantly.

That being said, I sing literally all the time. You know those annoying people who sing show tunes while taking a shower?

*whispers* I’m one of those people.

I feel so embarrassed to be confessing this to complete strangers on the internet (and my mom). I also feel like, even for the internet, my singing would be kind of boring. Usually the more interesting amature musicians on the internet play some sort of instrument or mesh two songs together… or both! I can’t do those things.

I’ve been singing all my life, I’m pretty good at that, I can sorta play piano, so maybe it’s time to take this lovely hobby of mine and become better at it. Even though I am afraid of singing to an audience, I did say finding your passion is about going outside of your comfort zone. Darn me.

New Plan

Going forward, I would like to focus on practicing piano and honing my singing. Each week, I will use this blog to document my progress.

Maybe I can salvage this and turn it into a passion yet… we’ll see.

I’ll also be posting on my Instagram. If you’d like to follow it, I’ll put a link here!

Love y’all!

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My Bad Date – Overcoming Fear

I’ve been on plenty of dates. None of them were particularly terrible except for one. This date ended with a lingering hug that will haunt me until the day I die.

why do I bring this date up? Because it was a rock climbing date. I am afraid of heights. More on this later, of course.

Fear is our body’s natural response to a situation that seems threatening. And before I go any further, I would like to say that fear isn’t a bad thing. Fear is there to ensure our safety during times of trouble. Do not be afraid of fear. The best thing to do with it is to face it head on. When you’re face-to-face with fear, don’t back down and you will see yourself grow stronger.

For those of you who have issues with anxiety, my heart bleeds for you. I’m sorry you have to struggle with such a hard cross every day. I hope you, like many others before you, will seek the help you need to overcome it and be made whole.

What I’ve Learned

Over the past few days, I’ve been doing my best to research how to overcome fear. According to Wake Up Cloud, a blog I found with some very helpful hints, there are several things to combat your fears.

The author suggested to replace your fear with gratitude. While you are afraid to give a speech, it will calm your fears to take a deep breath and remind yourself that you are grateful to even be speaking to the audience at all. Gratitude, in my experience, can cure so many things. When you begin listing what you are grateful for, sadness decreases, anger disappears, and I have no doubt that fear will evaporate as well.

Another tip the author gave was to journal. I love journaling. Sometimes, I feel as though I cannot talk to anyone about my problems either because I don’t want to feel like a whiner, or because I’m afraid my friends won’t care. With a journal, you can at least get your thoughts outside of you instead of having them twist and twirl inside of you. Leaving your fears unsaid will leave you sick, so get them out.

This author also mentioned to try therapy, but this seems to0 obvious to me. Obvious and expensive. I don’t have the money to talk to professionals; however, if I did, therapy would be a great option.

The last point that I thought was interesting from this blog was to try yoga. I’ve never done yoga, but I’ve always been fascinated by it! This is the art of staying calm and finding inner peace. I think, this coming week, I would like to try yoga. That will be fun! Especially with midterms coming up. I could use a good stress relief.

The Date

This date lasted 3 hours longer than it should have. My date was very touchy, constantly trying to make me hold his hands, rub his shoulders, cuddle with him and so on. I am not touchy. I like hugs and cuddles as much as the next girl, but I wasn’t particularly attracted to this guy in the first place. Not only that, but I barely knew him! We had met once before and were set up on this date by my roommate.

The rock climbing place our group originally wanted to try out was closed. Thus, we drove half an hour to the next city over to find another rock climbing place. During this time, we also got lunch. At this point, my date had attempted to thumb wrestle me and asked for a hand massage which I declined to give.

Once we found our destination, I had to pay because my date was out of cash. I don’t mind paying for a date, but I’m kind of old school and I liked it when guys pay for me on a first date. That is when we were given helmets and ropes to strap ourselves in. Let me give you some background on this place. It was incredibly sketchy. The ceiling was dripping water which caused the foam ground to be soggy, you had to tie yourself into the safety harness, the lights flickered at random times, and you had to pay in cash.

The reason why I tell you this story was because I had to face my fear. Although heights were not my friend, I would have rather climbed a 20 foot wall straight up in a harness that I had to tie myself than stay another moment next to mister “wanna-thumb-wrestle?”.

Okay, maybe that example wasn’t the best, but I just think it is a funny story to tell.

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Jumping In and Overcoming Fear

Picture this: You are standing at the edge of a large, outdoor swimming pool. The light blue water ripples in a slight breeze, the sun barely shining through a patch of clouds. You know that the water is going to be cold, but you also want to have a good time swimming through the pool with your friends. Breaking the surface, the cold water hits our chest, and for a moment, we are breathless.

It seems silly to be afraid of jumping into the water, but that first jump is what holds us back from freedom.

Fear

An unpleasant emotion caused by the belief that someone or something is dangerous, likely to cause pain, or a threat.

In our journey of discovering our passions, there is always that moment as we stand at the edge of the pool attempting to gather our courage to jump. Sometimes, we need to explore outside of our comfort zones, and that is sometimes difficult to do. I want to know how to make it easier to be unafraid of the unknown.

This week, I’ll be studying up on how to overcome fear.

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